Fifteen Ways to Win a War
by BookLover223
Summary: A Leia-centric character study in fifteen pieces: "5. Don't let them see you break. You are strong a leader of men, the mind behind a resistance two times over (royalty they whisper in hushed voices when they believe you cannot hear them, but is a queen really a queen if she had no land left to rule?)"
This was inspired by Daphne Gottlieb's poem "15 ways to stay alive". I don't have a beta, sorry for any errors on my part.

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Fifteen Ways to Win a War

1\. Know who your parents are. Your parents are stories and constellations. Politics and passion. When Luke says to forgive your father you know you have nothing to forgive Bail Organa for, except perhaps for leaving you and even then he never had a choice. (Vader murdered millions, including your father. He may have been repentant in his last moments. But that does not grant forgiveness, not from you).

2\. When you were little. When people called you the Little Princess you dreamed of different worlds, of flying, of a partner in crime. Forget those dreams. They were the prelude to the nightmares.

3\. Don't be surprised when those dreams return. When you meet a boy (not a man, not yet) who is too short to be an imperial trooper and a (stuck up, half-witted, scruffy looking) nerfherder that drives you to madness (but if you aren't at least the least bit mad you can't possibly be at least the least bit sane)

4\. Let him strengthen your heart. Even in the bad moments. Even when it's possible that all hope is lost. When he says, "I know" that is an affirmation. It is not the confession of a dying man. You will not let it be.

5\. Don't let them see you break. You are strong a leader of men, the mind behind a resistance two times over ( _royalty_ they whisper in hushed voices when they believe you cannot hear them, but is a queen really a queen if she had no land left to rule?)

6\. Let yourself fall apart. Luke tells you all he's heard about pain, fear, anger and the dark side. You don't tend to think ill of the dead (well, most of them. There's a man in a black mask that you will never forgive even if your brother will) but you think that's banthashit. If you do not learn to bend you might break (as the Jedi did, as the Republic did). Emotions are only dangerous when you keep them buried inside of you. If you let them out they can't control you. Keep them buried and they will burry you.

7\. Love your son. He is yours. He has your eyebrows (your mothers) and Han's face. Keep that love buried deep (do not cry when you realize that you were not the one killed by the buried love, after all you were not the only one that loved him. Not yet.)

8\. Don't trust him. Do not give him the rusty knife. He will burry it in your chest. (Instead he will steal a rusty lightsaber and dig it into someone else's chest. He will still cut out your heart like this).

9\. Allow yourself to believe, if only for a few moments, that the empire never existed and no group rose to take its place. Imagine yourself with Luke on Alderaan (Not with Vader. Never with Vader. He will never be your father especially not in your fantasy). Han will be there too. The reluctant king to your warrior queen (not that there will be need for a warrior queen. Even in peace you cannot imagine yourself without the strength that has defined your life). There will be peace and laughter and Ben, your sweet Ben.

10\. Do not let these fantasy's consume you. Wishes are nice but you have a war to fight.

11\. Realize that for all you hate him you are Vader's daughter. He is the part of you that speaks of acceptable casualty rates. He is what makes you burn in white-hot rage. He is your cool head in battle (you did not learn these things from sweet Bail who preferred words over fists). Know this and use it. Monitor it. Use Vader's legacy to do good.

12\. Han will always be your extra limb. The one you never knew you needed until you were without it. Letting him leave to mourn your son will cause an unimaginable amount of pain. Apply a tourniquet and ignore the wolves that smell your blood. When he dies let the wound fester and become infected. The wolves still smell blood. Offer it to them; they will realize that you've done this to yourself. They will fear you and the fear will become respect.

13\. Remember the place that turned an orphaned little girl into a princess (do not dwell on what turned a princess into a general. On why you will never be a queen). Remember the blue-green iris', the waterfalls, Sarah the political attaché with a voice clear like a mountain stream and a daughter on the way, Balem the older man who loved the sound of crickets on the palace grounds, your parents booming laughter, and most importantly the warmth and safety found in their arms. Remember what life was like before war. Before you hardened yourself.

14\. Try not to look too closely. Don't look for the telltale smirk on the hotshot pilot. Don't look for the wonder on the face of the dessert child who has always dreamed of more. Don't look at the man who has just lost everything he has ever known. (In particular, don't look at how they fit together- three missing pieces of a small puzzle. Don't watch as they slowly break down from battle and hardship.)

15\. They are not you. They will not make your mistakes. You will not let them. Even if it costs you everything. After all, what else do you have to lose?

(Deep inside of you sits a little girl, a girl who looks to the stars and dreams, who longs for Iris' and crickets. She knows the answer to this. Everything. You could lose everything they have given their lives for. Keep the girl safe. But also keep her quiet. She has no place in this. After all a war is no place for little girls playing princess) 

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I couldn't avoid using my favorite Alice in Wonderland quote, kudos to anyone who spotted it.

How was it?


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